Works Cited
Australian Government. Online Posting. Parks Victoria Visitor Statistics. 6/19/2005. <http://www.parkweb.uil.gov.ae/resourses/13_02d.pdf>
Finman_2. Online Posting. Michigan Lighthouses. 6/20/2005.
<http://memebers.tripod.com/`Finman_2/printmap.html>
PBS. Online Posting. Legendary Lighthouses. 6/19/2005.
<http://www.pbs.org/legendarylighthouses/>
Private Citizen. 6/21/2005. Online Posting. Welcome. 6/22/2005. <http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=needed_a_source_check_it_out>
They Might Be Giants. 5/25/2005. Online Posting. Birdhouse in Your Soul Lyrics. 6/22/2005. <http://www.tmbg.org/band-info/songs/lyrics/BirdhouseinYourSoulSTD.html>
UNC. 6/19/2005. Online Posting. The Lighthouse of Destiny. 6/20/2005. <http://www.unc.edu/~rowlett/lighthouse/index.htm >
US Government. Online Posting. Lyme Disease Risk. 6/20/2005
<http://www.cdc.gov/nicdod/dvbid/lyme/riskmap.htm
Wikipedia. Online Posting. “Lighthouse.” Lighthouse. 6/19/2005. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lighthouse>
Samantha Russell
6/21/05
What do you get when you cross a light and a house? World Destruction. The first lighthouse served the city of Alexandria in 285 B.C. That was when the once perfect world started to go awry. The plague of devastation hit the United States in 1716 in Boston Harbor, scarring and dooming the United States for the rest of time (PBS). Currently, there are over 1,500 of these disgusting blemishes disfiguring the once great face of Earth’s entire whole (Wikipedia). These menaces to society must be stopped. The band They Might Be Giants prophesized the now urgent situation that the world faces when they sang of their primitive ancestry who “kept the beaches shipwreck free.” They go on to sing, “Though I respect that a lot, I'd be fired if that were my job; after killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts.” The singer’s ancestry refers to the lighthouses and the fate of Jason and his Argonauts is representative of Earth’s fate if the ghastly nemesis is not destroyed immediately (They Might Be Giants). Lighthouses will cause Earth’s destruction due to their use by pirates, their disease ridden state, and their obvious association with communism.
First of all, pirates are known to have used lighthouses as an aid in raiding, as long as pirates have existed. Throughout the seven seas pirates have plundered and pillaged in the dark of night. In Disney’s 2003 movie, Pirates of the Caribbean, Captain Jack Sparrow, a pirate captain, used a lighthouse to guide him to various harbors in his early pirating years. Were lighthouses not around, pirates would be unable to locate innocent harbors. The lack of lighthouses may actually cause them to sail to their doom, thus eliminating pirates. Unfortunately, lighthouses saved the pirates and doomed thousands of innocent people. With lighthouses in place, pirates will plunder all of the world’s resources and kill all who step in their path (Private Citizen).
Secondly, Lighthouses and disease go hand in hand. Studies show that in the area around lighthouses, there have been much higher incidents of Lyme disease reported (US Government). It also stands to reason that there are significantly higher incidents of injuries sustained from falling due to the dangerously steep and high stairs that are characteristic of lighthouses. This will cause Earth’s destruction because it has been proven that several thousand people make pilgrimages to lighthouses throughout the world (Australian Government). Tourists wrought with Lyme disease and broken bones will return to their various homes, thus spreading the disease, causing a worldwide epidemic, and placing a burden on those around them. In areas with few or no lighthouses, there have been almost no instances of Lyme disease reported (US Government). Without lighthouses in place, Lyme disease could be eradicated and fewer people would suffer and die from the horrible plight.
Finally, it is a proven fact that the presence of lighthouses is closely associated with communism and communists (Private Citizen). Countries such as Cuba, Russia, China, and most Eastern Bloc countries, have lighthouses (UNC). The Soviet Union built several unmanned lighthouses powered by radioisotope thermoelectric generators. The radioactive material could leak, radiating everything in the area, and destroying the environment. Even more disturbing is that the Russians seem to have “lost” some of the lighthouses due to poor record keeping (Wikipedia). Obviously, communists regularly plot to take over the world using nuclear power. Also, it is a commonly accepted idea that communism is a bad idea and would, in fact, destroy the world (Private Citizen).
Lighthouses have ignited a fire in this world that must be quashed immediately. These structures built under the guise of guiding ships to shore are disgusting. Pirates cannot be allowed to devastate the planet, for something as stupid as someone allowing a lighthouse to exist. The same can be said for diseases and communism. Cricket player Navjot Singh Sidhu said, “A…lighthouse is more dangerous than a reef.” He is right because a reef can only tear out the bottom of a ship, whereas a lighthouse will attract pirates, spread disease, break bones, and allow a gate through which communism will pass to become commonplace.
Don’t Keep the Light Burning, Abby
Samantha Russell
Writer’s Workshop I
Mr. Wright
Summer 2005 |